by Brian Carrillo

Mom – today we say our final farewells as we scatter your ashes in this deep brooding sea.

It is not easy to see you go or to say Good Bye but I am very grateful for the days and weeks we got to spend together as you laid in your bed fighting to get better. Each of us here today knows  how courageous you were and how hard you fought to stay with us but I know that there are only so many things we can do to stay here on earth when it’s time for us to go to our eternal Home.

I read it in your eyes, that you wanted to stay here with us to see each of us grow older – wiser – better.  From little Alex to Brother Rory, Sister Allison, Craig, John John and of course myself – but we all know that God has His own plans and timing and when it’s our turn to go we must leave behind the very one’s that make us whole and who we love the most.

I know it hurt you but I also know you were ready to go.  You asked many of us to let you leave but honestly no one was ready to say Goodbye – not just yet. We all wanted to spend one more day, one more hour, one more minute and second with you – but we knew deep down you were ready and knew that when you left you would be in good hands and finally be among others who also loved you – Granny, Grandpa, Artie, Aunt Cha Cha, Your brothers, Tony and Eddie.   You are there with them now looking down upon us as we  sit here so sad and tearful feeling lost and afraid.

I am so very proud of you Mom – on this day of all others, Mothers Day or our Mother’s Day.

I am proud of the way you fought your last fight, I am proud of how you loved your children regardless of how much we did or did not deserve it.

I am proud of how much you loved our friends, girlfriends,  wives, husbands and the children that are here because of you.

I am proud of how you took care of yourself as well as each of us when we were much younger despite the fact you had little means and expertise on how to do so.

I am so very proud of you for all the things you did in your life that was not easy – from starting a new family when you so were very young yourself and with a Husband who probably at the time did not deserve your big loving heart and to raising us up as a single mother.

I am proud of you for how you loved your family – your Mother, Your Dad, your Sister, Brothers, and your uncles, aunts, and their cousins, many of which who have reached out to us during these times to see how you were doing. They all love and loved you very much.

I am so very proud of you Mom, and perhaps the most, for how you loved Me. How you would wait for my calls and how we would spend our Sundays together laughing and doing the things both of us enjoyed so much.

I am proud of how you were always happy and how you loved music and how you always smiled for everyone – and how you loved the fresh air and the birds and the blue sky and bright sun and the ocean.

Yes – I am very proud – Mom.

Perhaps the one thing I am so much proud of is how even while you took your last breaths you were dignified and graceful. You did not cry out or ask for any of us to help you but rather you laid there waiting for God and His Angel’s to take you home.  You were a Queen in all Her glory as you said good bye to the people who loved you the most and as you floated away upward to Heaven and God’s Kingdom. I hope you saw us all standing around you weeping for you but rejoicing that you were now free from the pain and sorrow you were feeling before you left.

I am sad to have to say good bye now, Mom, and it makes me cry, but it also makes me happy knowing that you were my Mother and I was your Son and we had so many good times together. I loved you very much. I will always love you. I will remember you in the stars and the waves and every time I see a bird or hear a song or smell a flower.

You were My Mom – our Mom – and I – we – will always have you close to our hearts.

I love you and we will see each other again soon and I will always try to make you proud – very proud as you made me proud to be your Son.

Happy Mothers Day Mom – May you rest in holy peace.

Your Son Eternal – Brian

 

Mom (Yvonne Carrillo) February 1, 1940 – June 9th, 2018